Sex Expert Finally Answers The Age-Old Question: Should You Sleep With Someone On The First Date?

Mar | 46 sharesMichelle Hambiliki

When starting a new relationship with someone, it's always tricky deciding when to have sex for the first time. While for many people it is something that simply occurs organically within the progression of the relationship, for others it is based on a personal rule or principle that they aim to apply to each new relationship (we've all heard about the three-date rule).

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Another dilemma when it comes to dating is deciding whether or not to have sex after the very first date.

Check out this panel debate on the divisive topic:

If the date has gone well, it can seem pretty natural to want to get in bed with each other at the end of the night, especially if they're attractive.

But is this always the best thing to do?

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Will any potential for a relationship be doomed if you sleep together that early on? What will people really think about you? Is it just best to follow the standard three-date rule?

Louanne Ward, a relationship expert, and dating coach believes it is not the best idea to start a sexual relationship based purely off of sexual attraction and chemistry.

"Relationships are very easy to get into when they are based on sexual chemistry but they are often very hard to get out of," Ward said.

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"It's immature to expect a relationship to blossom where sex is the driving motivator," she added.

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However, Ward did say that in some circumstances, having sex with someone on the first date can be positive as it can allow people to develop a close relationship with someone without using words.

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"There is the benefit of knowing what you're getting as a sexual connection between two people is just as important as an emotional, mental and spiritual connection," Ward continued.

Ward did, however, maintain that while it might seem appealing to "live in the moment", it's probably best to avoid sleeping with someone in the initial stage of dating, especially if both parties are unclear about whether or not a relationship could develop.

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"Males and females have very different emotional responses to sex. A woman can often feel a much deeper emotional attachment through the act of making love," Ward said.

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Ward also explained that following a sexual encounter, there could be an expectation of a relationship and if this ended up not happening, this could lead you to feel used or inadequate.

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However, she also said that it was essentially impossible to have an idea of the future of the relationship before any sort of sexual encounter.

"Nobody really knows where something is going as it's simply a hypothetical attempt at predicting the future," she continued. "If someone sees you as relationship material, if, and when, you sleep with them isn't going to alter their decision."

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Ward also believes it is normal to want to know what the other person's intent is, however, placing too much emphasis on the idea of a potential relationship could be dangerous.

"On hearing this, a more emotionally evolved person will often take it as a warning sign that they are potentially with an emotionally insecure person and the recipient will head for the hills."

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And although the idea of sleeping with someone who's virtually a stranger might initially seem thrilling, Ward says this should never be a reason to abandon any form of protection.

She also emphasized the importance of testing yourself for potential STDs so you can be 100% sure you are not passing on an infection to someone else.

Ward also recommended that we take a more proactive approach when it comes to raising the issue of STD testing. She believes it should be stated in a way so that it's less about fear of getting an STD and more about being committed to your overall health.

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Ward advised those who hoped an intimate sexual connection would lead to a fulfilling relationship to wait and get to know the person better.

"If you build a relationship with the foundation of sexual chemistry, it will fizzle out as quickly as it ignited," she said. "You need to establish a mental connection, one of respect, intimacy on an emotional level."

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So all in all, it is advisable to wait a while before having sex, but of course, it's all about your personal preference and that of your sexual partner. If it feels right for you then, by all means, go ahead and get it on together.